4 – Axel’s Encounter

 

Axel finished replacing the filters on a car, and went inside to tell Ralph it was ready. Ralph was helping out two men. One old, one young. Possibly a father and son. Axel struggled to keep his eyes off the younger man, who must have been around his age. Maybe a couple years younger. Regardless, the man had a nice face, and a nice body to go with it. Plus he wore glasses. Axel had a weakness for men in glasses.

“California, eh?” Ralph spotted Axel, and turned towards him. “Axel, these two moved here from California.”

Axel knew little about California, other than his life would be easier if he lived there. “Cool.” He handed Ralph a pouch containing papers and a car key. “This one’s ready.”

Ralph handed a key to Axel. “Theirs is the blue electric one out front.”

“An electric car?” Those were extremely rare in Jefferson. Axel knew as much about electric cars as he did about California. And it would take days for any replacement parts to come in. “We never do those.”

“A car’s a car,” Ralph said to him, voice lowered for only Axel to hear.

“They’re made differently. I don’t know anything-”

“They say they need new tires. That’s not much different.”

“The tires themselves might be.” Axel once heard that EV tires were wider, with higher inflation pressure. Something to do with the cars being heavier.

“We’ve got plenty of tires that’ll fit on their car.”

“But none that support the weight. We’ll need to special order some.”

Ralph stared at him. Axel stared right back. He refused to take shortcuts when it came to tires, and Ralph knew it. “Fine.”

Ralph returned to the customers. “I just spoke with our mechanic, and he says electric cars need special tires we don’t carry.”

“You don’t fuck around when it comes to tires,” Axel added helpfully, then cringed inwardly. Why did he say something so stupid? The younger man laughed. There was a sort of sparkle in his eye that made Axel’s knees wobble. He focused back on Ralph, but noticed that the younger man had all his attention on Axel.

“The other place we went to said the same thing,” the older man said. “About not carrying the right tires, I mean. They weren’t even able to order them for us. Can you?”

“We should,” Ralph said. “But it’ll take at least a week to come in. And they won’t be cheap.”

“We’ll have to go with it.”

Ralph did some tapping on the tablet next to him, and asked the older man for personal information. Axel learned his name was Will Williams, and his son was named Jake.

“Can I look at the car?” Axel asked Jake. He wanted to see what he would be up against, and also if it would be safe to drive until the new tires came in. But mainly he wanted to be alone with Jake. Jake gave him the feeling that he might be just as interested in Axel, as Axel was in him. Men interested in men were as rare as electric cars, much less men actually interested in Axel.

“Sure.” With a smile, Jake led him out the door, while Will continued talking to Ralph.

At first sight, the blue car didn’t look any different than what Axel was used to. Though he knew there were different components to it. He wondered what these men would do if one of them failed. They might bring it here again, and it would become his problem.

Axel bent over to check the rear passenger tire first, checking the tread with his tire depth gauge. Though he could tell without the tool that it should be replaced sooner than later. He moved on to the front tire, which was perfectly fine. In the corner of his eye, he caught Jake staring at his ass. Face flushed, he whipped around to face Jake. Somehow in the process, he tripped over his own foot. Luckily he caught his balance instead of falling on his face.

“You okay there?” Jake fought back a smile.

“Yeah.” Especially now that Axel’s suspicions were confirmed, though he couldn’t believe how obvious Jake was being. He’d seen people get beat up for less. Axel turned away to check the tires on the other side. This time, the front was bad and the back was good. He turned back to Jake, who still had his eyes on him. “Ralph will try convincing you to replace all four tires. But you only need these two.” Axel pointed at the offending tires with his tool.

“Thanks for being honest, but won’t your boss get mad at you for telling me that?”

“Not if he doesn’t find out.” Even if Ralph did, he wouldn’t be hard on him. There was only one other mechanic, so he needed to keep Axel around. Axel set his arm on top of the car, leaning his body into the vehicle.

Jake stepped towards Axel, mirroring his pose. Except he placed his arm on the trunk of the car. He was too short for his arm to comfortably rest on the roof. Plus Axel took up too much space. “I’ll make sure he won’t.” His eyes met Axel’s. “How old are you?”

“24. You?”

“20. But I’ll be 21 this summer.” Jake paused for a moment. “21 and 24. That’s not too bad of an age gap, both early 20’s.”

Axel thought of himself as being in his mid-20’s, not early. But he didn’t care about age gaps. As long as the man was an adult, which he had assumed. “You’re new here?”

“Yeah. My dad and I moved here a couple weeks ago, from California.”

“I don’t know much about California,” Axel said. “Other than they’re progressive and gay-friendly.”

“That they are. There’s also a large latino population. It’s the opposite of here. You’re actually the first latino person I’ve seen.”

It wasn’t much of a selling point. Axel knew a few latino people back in high school, but he struggled to fit in with them. It felt like they knew things he didn’t. He nodded along anyway. “Sounds accurate. I’m the only latino person I know. Even my parents are white.”

Jake laughed until he realized Axel wasn’t joking. “Seriously?”

“Yep. I was adopted as a baby. I never knew my birth parents.”

“Do you know where they might be at? Maybe you could meet them some day.”

“No and I doubt it. I don’t know anything about them, other than my mom was locked up in some immigration detention center. She gave birth to me in there, and they took me away to adopt me out.”

Jake stared, wide-eyed and open-mouthed. “That’s fucked up.”

Axel rubbed his elbow, regretting to have let part of his depressing backstory slip out. Now Jake had gone from admiring him, to pitying him. He never thought it was that big of a deal. “A little, I guess.”

“A little? That’s the most fucked up story I’ve heard since I moved here.” He paused for a moment. “The second most fucked up story, I mean.”

Axel wondered what the first story was, but wanted to move away from messed up stories, and onto exchanging numbers. If Jake was even still interested in him.

“Do you know which detention center?” Jake asked. “Maybe you could find records or something.”

“Somewhere in Texas.”

“That’s far. How’d you end up over here?”

“I don’t know. My parents were looking to adopt a baby. They found an organization that adopts out babies born in immigration detention centers.”

“This happens that often?!”

“And they liked the idea of raising a poor hispanic baby because they think they’re progressive, picking a non-white baby. So they ended up with me.”

“They think they’re progressive for that?”

“Yep. And then they go and kick me out for being gay. That’s how progressive they are.” Axel did not mean to let that part slip out. But it felt good to state his feelings out loud, after so many years of bitterness.

An awkward silence filled the air.

“I’m sorry,” Axel finally said. “I totally killed the mood.”

Jake chuckled. “It’s fine. Your backstory sounds a lot more interesting than mine.”

“What’s yours?” Axel asked.

Before Jake could answer, Ralph and Will appeared.

“How long does it take to check a few tires?” Ralph asked Axel. “We’ve been waiting forever.”

“Sorry,” Axel said quickly. “Uh, only two of them need to be replaced.” He emphasized two, and directed it towards Will. He didn’t want Ralph to get the chance to rip the customers off. “You can still drive on them for a couple of weeks, until the new ones come in. But only if you have to.” Axel handed the key to Will.

“We’ll call you when they come in to set up an appointment,” Ralph said.

Will and Jake thanked him, and they all exchanged goodbyes. As Ralph walked back towards the store, Axel stopped Jake before he could get in the car.

“I could give you my personal number. You can call me if you want to know what’s going on with them.”

“Your personal number, huh? Couldn’t I just call the main line?”

“You could. But then you’d be talking to Ralph instead of me.” Axel leaned forward, the two only inches apart from each other. His eyes landed on Jake’s lips. God, he wished he could kiss them. “Maybe I want to hear about your backstory.”

“Or I could tell you in person.” Jake gave him a flirty half-smile.

Axel returned it. “You’d still have to call me to set something up.”

“True.” Jake tapped at his watch, and held it out. Axel tapped his own watch, navigating to the “give phone number” button. Then, pressed his watch against Jake’s. It transferred instantly.

“You should go,” Jake said. “Your boss is waiting for you.”

Axel glanced over his shoulder to see Ralph standing outside the door to the shop, arms crossed. “Yeah. Hope to hear from you soon.”

“You will.”

 

~~~~~

 

Sebastian laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Part of him wanted to play a video game. Another part of him wanted to continue doing nothing. The fact that playing a video game meant getting up, turning his monitor on, and powering up a console kept him from doing so.

He could always watch something. But that would also mean getting up and turning on his monitor. What would he even watch? He’d probably spend more time scrolling through the lists.

His watch beeped. It was a text from Axel. Sebastian’s mood improved slightly as he tapped to hear the text.

“Can I call you?”

The thought of talking to Axel made him feel better, but anxious. Sebastian sent a response. “Sure.”

His phone rang from his dresser. Sebastian sighed. He’d rather not have Axel on speaker, but he still had no desire to move. So he tapped the “answer phone” button on his watch.

“Hey. What’s up?”

“I have amazing news,” Axel said. “But first, you have to tell me how you’ve been.”

“I’m alright.” Hopefully the amazing news would make him feel better.

“Just alright?”

Sebastian shrugged. “Good.”

“What were you doing before I called?” Axel asked.

“Why do you want to know?” Sebastian would rather not reveal how boring his life was. And clearly, Axel had something far more important to share.

“To make polite conversation before sharing my awesome news. Also, I want to leave you in suspense.”

“It’s working. Tell me.”

Axel took a deep breath. “The hottest man ever came to my work today.”

Sebastian turned down the volume on his watch, lest his father walk by and hear a man’s voice talking about hot men. “Okay?” He didn’t know what kind of news he had been expecting, but it wasn’t that.

“I caught him checking me out when we were in the parking lot, looking at his car. His eyes were on my ass, dude.” There was a hint of pride in Axel’s voice. “He liked what he saw.”

Sebastian wondered if he could ever be so bold as to stare at a man’s ass. Especially Axel’s. He didn’t even know what it looked like.

“And I checked him out. He’s so damn sexy.”

A flash of an emotion struck Sebastian’s chest at those words. An emotion he didn’t know how to pinpoint. “Oh.”

“We started flirting.”

The mysterious emotion grew stronger. “Okay.”

“I wanted to kiss him so bad. And I think he wanted to kiss me too. But I had to go back to work.”

Sebastian clenched his jaw at that. Along with his fists.

“I gave him my number,” Axel continued in a joyful voice. “He said he would call me.”

“I shouldn’t tie up your phone, in case he does.”

“Oh, it’s fine. He’ll probably start off with a text anyway.”

Sebastian did not want to hear another word about Axel’s interest in some stupid man. “I need to go. I have to… do… something.”

“What?”

“Bye!” Sebastian hung up on him. He felt a twinge of guilt, followed by rage. Rage towards the mysterious man who Axel wanted to kiss. It should be Sebastian he wanted to kiss.

No! Sebastian was not jealous of the man at all. Not in that way. It was most likely because someone was coming in between their friendship. Axel might ditch Sebastian in favor of a new boyfriend. That was where the anger and jealousy towards the man came from.

Sebastian did not have a crush on Axel.

 

~~~~~

 

Stellaluna performed her daily routine of wandering through the halls, stopping in an empty room every so often to sigh dramatically. It was the only thing she could think of doing.

Barry thought it was unbefitting for a woman to have a job. Not that there were many jobs that would hire women. And she couldn’t even do typical chores the average housewife does, because they had servants for everything.

She considered going to the mansion’s private theater to pick something to watch. But movies and shows these days were so bland. So stale. Too similar to each other. She’d heard humans once created them. Humans came up with complex characters and storylines. And other humans actually acted those roles out. Even the animated ones had “voice actors.”

Supposedly, human-made movies and shows were still being created. But if the rumors were true, she’d never been able to find them. And even if she had, her husband probably wouldn’t allow her to watch them anyway. Stellaluna banged her head against the nearest wall, letting out a groan.

“Are you okay, Lady Callahan?” a woman servant in a tattered, gray dress asked.

“I’m survive.” Stellaluna banged her head again. “Never get married.”

“I’ll try not to. But my parents want grandchildren, and I’m their only child.”

Children. Stellaluna held back tears. If only she could conceive children. Unfortunately, Barry told her that the doctor told him she was infertile. That there was no cure for her. She wanted to adopt, but Barry was convinced that abandoned children had too many behavioral issues. They’d already tried it once before. After her cousin died, they took in her daughter. The child never spoke, never listened, and threw tantrums over… nothing. Barry gave it a year before he handed the girl back to the state.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” the servant asked. “Do you need me to get you anything?”

“I’ll be fine. Go back to what you were doing.”

“Yes, Lady Callahan.” The servant left.

What to do? Stellaluna continued her wandering, until she reached the end of the guest wing. She walked past the kitchen, past the restaurant. Down a corridor that led to parts of the mansion off-limits to guests, through a hallway. Past the music room, where she heard the faint sound of an acoustic guitar. Curious, Stellaluna stopped. The door was, as usual, open. But who was playing music in there? She stepped inside.

It was a room where Barry had various instruments on display. Guitars hung on the walls. There were two grand pianos, and several keyboards, along with a lone cello in the corner.

On a sofa in the middle of the room, sat a male servant wearing a gray shirt and matching gray pants. He played a slow song on a guitar. Judging by a blank spot on the wall, it most likely belonged to Barry. Not that Barry knew how to play it. All of the instruments were only for show.

The man switched to another song. Something a little faster. Stellaluna leaned against the doorway, noting a rag and spray bottle on the couch next to him. Clearly he was supposed to be cleaning the instruments, not playing them. She smiled as she walked over to him. He looked up and yelped. Quickly, he snatched the rag, and rubbed it on the guitar. Trying to act like he had been cleaning it all along.

Stellaluna covered a laugh. “It’s okay. I don’t care what you do on the clock. I thought it was good.”

He stared, head tilted to the side. Probably confused as to why Stellaluna didn’t care.

“It doesn’t bother me at all. I mean, this room is clean enough. The whole house, actually. I don’t know why Barry is so insistent servants dust and clean and scrub every day. But, I suppose it keeps you employed.”

The servant scratched his head, running his fingers through his tousled, brown hair. “I… understand not.”

He had an accent of some sort, but Stellaluna couldn’t place it off only three words. “You don’t know English?”

“Some. But I know not, what you say have.” The servant spoke slowly, brow furrowed in concentration. It was as though he were trying to directly translate each individual word in his head as he spoke, creating one interesting sentence.

“Okay.” Stellaluna spoke slower as she repeated her ramblings in simpler terms. “I was saying, you are good at guitar. You can keep playing. I do not care.”

He smiled. “Thank you.”

Perhaps Stellaluna could entertain herself by getting to know one of the servants. “What is your name?”

“Yannick.”

She continued speaking slowly. “When did you learn to play guitar?”

“Since I was nine. Or ten.”

“How long have you lived here?”

“Seven years.”

“Where from?”

“Germany.”

So German must be his native tongue. Stellaluna unfortunately didn’t know German. Or any second language, for that matter. “Why did you move here?”

Yannick stared at her. Stellaluna wondered how to make that question more understandable. “Why you come here?”

“Is you serious? You know not?”

“Know not what?”

“Of the war. You know not, of the war? In Europa?”

“Europa?”

“Sorry. Europe.”

Now that Stellaluna thought about it, she recalled hearing something about some war going on in Europe, years ago. “Isn’t the war over? Finished? Done?”

Yannick snorted. “Germany is. My family was lucky. We leave before the big bomb.”

“There was a bomb that destroyed Germany?”

“Some. Not all. Where I come from is gone. Also some of Frankreich. Schweiz is gone. Where have you been?”

“I don’t watch the news. Barry says it’s too traumatizing for women.” Stellaluna wondered what countries Frankreich and Schweiz were supposed to be. They must be countries that bordered Germany. But she’d never been taught geography outside of North America. “What are Fronkrice and Shviytzt?”

Yannick gave her an amused smile. “I know not the english name of all countries.”

“Of course.” Stellaluna would have to look it up later, if her restricted watch would even tell her the details of such a tragedy.

“Why ask you?”

“Huh?”

“The questions. Why ask you me?”

“I’m bored.” Stellaluna leaned her head back against the wall. “There’s nothing for me to do. Nothing!”

Yannick held out the rag in his hand. “You can me clean help.”

Finally, something to do! Stellaluna took the rag, and wandered the room in search for something to dust off. But everything looked clean already. She did notice a layer of dust on the piano, and wiped that down. Yannick resumed playing the guitar.

Right as Barry walked in on the scene. “What the hell is going on in here?!”

 

~~~~~

 

As promised, Jake had called Axel. After a few minutes of casual small talk, they set up a date for Friday.

On Friday, after work, Axel drove to the outskirts of town, to a large gas station for truckers. He usually went there on Fridays anyway, to use their showers. And that Friday was no different. He wanted to be clean for Jake.

Afterwards, Axel drove to the diner they agreed to meet at. He stepped inside. The place wasn't busy, but there were a few customers seated at tables scattered throughout the restaurant. The smell of grilled burgers wafted through the air. Axel's stomach growled.

He spotted Jake at a table against the back wall. Their eyes met. Axel walked over and took a seat across from him. “I hope you weren’t waiting too long."

“Only a few minutes.” Jake checked his watch. “It’s 6:30 exactly. I’m the one who was early.”

“Fair.” Axel picked up a tablet chained to the table, and scrolled through the menu. It had been awhile since he last ate there, but he remembered liking their burgers. And they certainly smelled good. After seeing the prices for the rest of the entrees, Axel decided on just that. “Know what you want yet?”

“Probably a burger,” Jake said, scrolling through a second tablet.

“I’m thinking the same thing.”

“You ready then?”

"Yeah."

They each entered their orders into the tablets. When Axel finished his, he set his tablet aside, and caught Jake gazing at him. “You can’t keep your eyes off me, can you?”

Jake leaned forward. “Can you blame me?”

Axel looked around the room. None of the customers were within hearing distance. “Not at all. But… this place isn’t like California. You need to be more careful. If you aren’t, you could get blacklisted like me.”

“Blacklisted?”

“When you commit a sexual crime, you get blacklisted. That includes getting physical with someone of the same gender.” Axel lowered his voice. “The wrong people found out and reported it. If anyone runs a background check on me, they can see that. And deny me a job or housing or medical treatment because of it.”

“That sounds illegal.”

“It’s not. Neither is beating up gay people.” Axel’s eyes softened at Jake’s fearful expression. “I don’t mean to scare you. I just want you to know how important it is to stay hidden.”

“They can deny medical treatment?”

“It’s rare. Hospitals don’t have time to run background checks. But insurance companies do. Some won’t take you on. And if they do, they’ll raise your premiums. It counts as a pre-existing condition.”

“Do I want to know what any of that means?”

“Probably not.”

A rolling cart wheeled itself over to their table, carrying two drinks. Water for Jake, and a Hendi for Axel. They each took theirs, and the cart wheeled back towards the kitchen.

“I hate it here.” Jake took a sip of his water.

Axel couldn’t argue with that. He did too. “Why’d you move?”

“My dad owns a business, but California has a lot of rules and regulations he’s upset about. He moved us here so he doesn’t have to deal with those. I came because I’m supposed to inherit the business, and the waiting list to get permanent housing is too long. In the meantime, I’d be crammed into some tiny apartment with another family. I can’t afford to buy a house, and my dad really wanted me to move with him, so he wasn’t about to give me money for one. So I chose to come. I didn’t think Jefferson would be this awful.”

Good to know even the Equal States had its flaws. Axel would go crazy if he had to share a small apartment with a group of strangers. Though it would also depend on Jake’s definition of “tiny.” He set his chin in his hand. “What’s the business?”

“Pieway.”

“Your father owns Pieway?” That was quite the business to own. Jake’s family must be rich. “That’s huge.”

“I guess.” Jake didn’t seem to think much of it. “I started working there, making pizzas. My dad thinks it’s good for me to get to know the business from the bottom up.”

“That makes sense."

The rolling cart returned with their food. They fell silent as they ate, but it wasn’t an awkward one. Not like it had been with Sebastian. Axel ignored his own advice and allowed his eyes to wander towards Jake. Jake did the same. Not for the first time, Axel wished he had a home to invite him to. But admitting that to Jake would probably kill the relationship before it started. Hopefully Jake would invite him to his own house.

Once they finished eating, with light conversation sprinkled in every so often, Jake brought it up. He lowered his voice. “Since we can’t even check each other out here, want to go somewhere we can? I’d offer my house, but my dad’s home.”

Axel swallowed, and fiddled with the straw of his soda. “I, erm… I’d love to go to one of our houses. But…”

“But what?”

The man probably had a huge house. Was probably used to huge houses. Probably had friends with equally-huge houses. What would he think of Axel’s lack of housing?

“Well?”

If they were going to take things further, Jake should know the truth. Axel stabbed at the ice in his drink. “I don’t exactly know how to say this...”

Jake stared, waiting for Axel to continue.

Axel let go of the straw to rub the back of his head. “Remember what I said about blacklisting and housing?”

“You’re homeless?”

“Not exactly. I… live in my van.”

“Oh God.”

“I’m sorry.” Axel lowered his voice. “I understand if you want to end things before they start.”

“I don’t. Of course I don’t. You’re the coolest guy I’ve met here.”

Axel perked up at that. “Seriously?”

“Yeah. So what if you live in a van.”

A heavy weight in his chest lifted, and he half-smiled. “I have a bed in there.”

Jake traced his finger along the rim of his glass. “If I pay the bill, will you let me see it?”

“I can pay-”

“Next time,” Jake finished for him. “You can pay next time. Then I’ll let you see my bed.”

Axel absentmindedly stirred the ice in his glass with his straw. “You sound confident, thinking there’ll be a next time.”

“Right. I might end up disappointed.” Jake smirked at him.

 

~~~~~

 

Barry was about as pissed as Stellaluna expected. Most of it was directed towards Yannick.

“Why are you sitting on your ass, playing my guitar, when you should be working?!”

Yannick stared at him. He probably didn’t understand half of those words. “Why what?”

“Why. Are. You. Not. Working?” Barry spoke obnoxiously slow, and unnecessarily loud. “Why. Are. You. Making. My. Wife. Work?”

Yannick took a few seconds to respond. “Your wife is bored. She say, I play good guitar.”

Barry whipped towards Stellaluna. “Care to explain?”

“I was bored. Yannick was cleaning-”

“Yannick?”

“The servant.” Stellaluna corrected herself. “The servant was cleaning the guitar. I asked him if he knew how to play. He said he did. I asked him to show me. I thought it sounded nice, so I asked him to keep playing.”

“Why were you cleaning for him?”

“Because I’m bored. I want something to do!”

“Now, darling, there’s plenty to do. Why not watch a movie? We have thousands of them!”

“Are there any that weren’t created by AI?”

Barry laughed. “Of course not. What, you think humans still create movies?”

“I’ve heard rumors of them.”

“You don’t need to watch human-made films. Why, you’d be bored watching them.”

“Regardless, I’m not in the mood for a movie. I’m in the mood to clean while listening to a servant play guitar.”

“Nonsense. You know, some women would kill to be in your position. Never having to lift a finger to do anything. You’re lucky.”

Stellaluna was once one of those women. If she knew what she was getting herself into, she would have pushed back against marrying Barry. “I don’t feel lucky.”

Barry groaned. He tapped at his watch, and pressed it to Stellaluna’s. “There. 10,000 ameros to go shopping with. Feel lucky now?”

She absolutely did not. There wasn’t a thing she needed to buy. And the only thing she wanted, was a divorce. Too bad that was illegal.

“Go on. Maybe Bailey can even go with you.”

“Zailey,” Stellaluna corrected him on her best friend’s name. But he had moved on to yelling at Yannick to get back to work. With a sigh, she left the room.

 

Stellaluna found herself wandering into a room filled with bookshelves filled with books. Their private library.

And Stellaluna had never read a single one.

She wandered over to the nearest shelf, and pulled out a thick book with purple binding. The letters on the cover were a shiny, gold color. It had a picture of a dark forest, with twisted trees. Frightening, yet intriguing. She opened the book at random, and stared at all the lines and marks. All of it meaningless.

What was it like, to know how to read?

The woman servant from earlier walked by with a rag. Stellaluna stopped her.

“Do you know how to read?” Stellaluna asked.

“No. My parents thought it would be better to home school me. But they only taught me how to be a good wife.”

It sounded similar to Stellaluna’s childhood. Amazing how two people from different social classes could have such a shared experience. “How’s that going for you?”

The servant chuckled. “I’m working here, aren’t I?”

“That you are.” Stellaluna returned her smile. “You know, I see you around a lot but I don’t even know your name. What is it?”

“Oh. Um, Jessie.”

“Lovely name. Where are you from?”

“Here." Jessie studied her. "Do you need help with something?”

“No. I just wanted to make polite conversation.” At the corner of her eye, she spotted Barry approaching. She straightened, and raised her voice. “And make sure to clean the bathroom when you’re done.”

Jessie noticed Barry as well. She did a sort of bow, and scurried away.

“I thought you were going shopping with Zailey.” Barry’s eyes landed on the book in Stellaluna’s hands. “What are you doing with that?”

“I want to know what it’s about.”

Barry snatched it from her.”You don’t need to know anything about this book. It is much too frightening for a lady.”

Stellaluna watched him put it back. “Can you at least tell me the title?”

“Why would you want to know that?”

“I’m curious.”

“A curious woman is a dangerous woman.” Barry waved her aside. “Go spend the money I gave you like a normal girl.”

Teeth gritted, Stellaluna left the library.

 

~~~~~

 

Jake followed Axel to a black van. Axel rolled open the side door, and gestured Jake inside. Once they were both in, Axel closed the door, and flicked on an interior light in the ceiling. It lit up the otherwise dark van.

A black curtain blocked Jake’s view of the front seat area. There was a messy bed with a couple of blankets near the back. A laundry bag on top of a cooler was at the foot of it, and several bags were scattered around.

Axel apologized for the mess, and cracked open a window. “You can sit down.”

Jake sat on the bed. After kicking off his shoes and tossing aside his jacket, Axel flopped on the bed next to him. “I know it’s not much.”

“It’s fine.” Jake pulled off his own shoes and coat. “I bet you’re saving loads on rent.” His eyes roamed Axel's body, admiring the way his thin t-shirt clung to his body. “Has anyone ever told you how hot you are?”

“A lot of girls have, but I turned them all down.” Axel took in Jake. “You’re… uhh… hot yourself.”

Jake laughed, and put his hand on Axel's shoulder. Axel's body tensed, then relaxed. He put both hands on Jake's shoulders, and gazed into his eyes. Jake waited for a sign from Axel as to what he wanted next.

After a moment of nothing, Axel finally spoke. “You’ve got pretty eyes.”

“You too.” It looked like Jake would have to initiate. He leaned forward, and kissed his lips.

Axel kissed right back. Jake slipped his tongue in, and let out a moan as Axel did the same. It had been months since he’d done anything with anyone. He needed this badly.

Without breaking the kiss, Jake pushed Axel down onto his back, and slipped his hand up his shirt, feeling his firm chest. And firm something else below the belt. Jake rubbed his own against it, then broke the kiss. “Shit.”

“What?”

“This feels good, that’s what.” Jake whipped off his shirt. Axel stared at his bare chest, then angled his body so Jake could remove his too.

The two resumed making out while their hands roamed each other's bodies. Jake's hand slid down south, to the button of Axel’s jeans. Axel froze.

Jake pulled away. “Something wrong?”

“I’m, um... it’s only the first date.”

Jake failed to see the problem. He’d had plenty of first dates end with sex. “Okay?”

“Everything we’re doing, actually. I mean, I’m enjoying it. But, Christ. We’ve known each other for how long? And we’re already half-naked in my bed, grinding it out?”

“Do you want to stop?”

“Not what we were doing.” Axel sighed. “It’s been years.”

“Years?” And here Jake was, going crazy after a few months.

“I haven’t had very many options. I’ve only been with one man.”

“Oh.” Jake couldn’t count how many people he’d slept with, and wasn't sure how to respond.

“You don’t mind, do you? Waiting before taking this further?”

“I'd think you’d be dying for it, going years without sex.”

“Sex?” Axel tore his gaze away from Jake. “I’m kind of sort of still a... virgin.”

Jake stared at him. Someone as sexy as Axel, a virgin? Not that virginity meant much to Jake and everyone else in the ESA, but most people he knew had their first time in their teens. “You’re 24.”

“I know.” Axel sounded as though he were bothered by the fact, which confused Jake further. He would think he’d want it now if he was. “It’s too much too soon. This is almost the farthest I’ve gone.”

“That’s fine. I can wait.” It would be hard, but Jake didn’t have many options either. Besides, he liked Axel. “I don’t want to force you to do anything you don’t want.”

Axel's muscles loosened beneath Jake. “Good. That’s good. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Jake kissed his forehead. “If it makes you feel any better, you’re really good at this. I never would have guessed.”

Axel smiled, and they resumed kissing. But Axel soon pulled away. “If you don’t mind me asking, how many men have you been with?”

If he knew that answer, he’d be self-conscious for the entirety of their relationship. Also, Jake had a feeling this backwards town frowned upon casual sex. Axel might lean towards those views. “A few.”

“How many is ‘a few?’”

“You know… a few.”

“More or less than four?”

“More,” Jake mumbled.

“More than four!” Axel bolted upright, nearly knocking Jake over. “You’re only 20, and you’ve been with more than four men?”

“Four at 20 isn’t that many. That’s one per year, if you start at 16.”

“You lost your virginity at 16?”

Jake was actually 14. But that was with a girl. “My first time with a guy was at 16, yeah.”

Axel furrowed his brow, studying Jake’s face. “Are you implying that you’ve been with a girl at an even younger age?”

“I’m pansexual. I like all genders.”

Axel scooted away from Jake. “I can’t believe this. Were you at least using protection?”

“Of course! And I’m vaccinated against some of those diseases.”

“You’re vaccinated?” Axel's scrunched eyebrows rose. “Weren’t you worried?”

“About what…” Jake closed his eyes. Right. People here thought vaccines caused all sorts of side effects and illnesses. He wanted to be mad at Axel. To tell him how ridiculous he was for believing those myths. But he managed to hold that much back. “Everyone in California has to get vaccinated for everything there is to be vaccinated for. I’ve never met anyone who experienced major side effects from any of them.”

“Nobody?”

“Nobody. They’re safer than you think.”

“Okay.” Axel sounded doubtful as he grabbed his shirt.

“And I’m safe because of them.” Jake watched him put his shirt back on with a sinking heart. “You’re not mad at me, are you?”

“I’m not mad at you. It’s just… I feel like we’re from different worlds. How the hell can this work out?”

“We’ll find a way.” Jake took Axel’s hand, expecting him to pull away.

Surprisingly he didn’t. Instead, he let out a sigh of defeat. “Maybe. We'll see.”

 

~~~~~

 

Stellaluna found herself wandering the shops downtown alone. Unfortunately, Zailey was on a family outing with her husband and son. What’s that like? Stellaluna wondered. An outing with a husband and child? Oh, why did she have to be infertile!

She walked past a bookstore. Not that she could read the store signs, but she could see shelves upon shelves of books through the windows. All her years living in Gilran, and she never stepped foot inside it. So she did. The scent of fresh parchment greeted her.

There were about as many books in the store as there were in Barry’s private library. Each shelf had a sign above it. Off towards the back of the room, Stellaluna spotted childish artwork surrounding more signage. She wandered over to find thin books, with colorful pictures of animals. One had a gray cat on the cover. She picked it up, and opened it.

There weren’t very many words on each page, but they were large. Surrounding the words were illustrations of a gray cat doing various tasks. Stellaluna guessed the words described what the cat was doing. Too bad she still couldn’t figure out what any of the words said, or where one word started and one word ended.

“Need help with something?” an employee stopped to ask.

Only how to read. “No. Just browsing.”

The employee left. Stellaluna continued searching through the children’s books. She might not be able to read any of them, but at least she could get a vague idea of what these books were about. She thumbed through one featuring a caterpillar and images of bitten-in fruit. Clearly about a very hungry caterpillar. She put it back.

There was a smaller book, with thick, cardboard-like pages, and only a few letters on them. One word? Next to each word, was a picture of an object. She stopped at a picture of a dog, catching a basic circle between two markings. It probably says dog.

Dog was a short and simple word, and these markings looked that way too. She traced the first mark with her finger. It was like a circle with a flat side. And the marking at the end was a circle with a curved line. So many circles.

The next page had a picture of a fox, and also had a circle between two markings made up of lines. “Fox,” Stellaluna said under her breath. She went to the previous page. “Dog.” “Fo-ox. Do-og.” The circle probably represented that middle sound.

Her heart pounded with excitement. Was it possible to teach herself how to read? She flipped through more pages but no other epiphanies hit. No. Someone would have to teach her, which required going to Barry. Barry would never agree to it. She’d ask Zailey for help, but she was just as illiterate.

Stellaluna turned to put the books away, but caught sight of a large book with a chalkboard and an apple on the cover. The chalkboard had several letters on it, but it didn’t look like it was part of the title. She picked it up, and opened it.

The beginning pages had big, bold letters imprinted in between two horizontal lines. Below each letter, was a horizontal line with the letter repeated, but broken into a series of dots. Maybe for tracing over? And below that, were horizontal lines with no letters of any sort. Stellaluna ran her finger over a large triangle with what looked like stick-figure legs. Was this some sort of letter-writing practice book?

It wasn’t as though it would teach her to read. But maybe it would help her make sense of the strange markings she often came across.

Barry had given her money. Had ordered her to shop. He never would approve of her buying books, but he also never paid attention to the things she’d buy. Never paid attention to where the money in her bank account went. He checked the amount every so often, and deposited a certain amount each month depending on her needs. Most months he didn’t deposit anything.

Stellaluna stared at the three books in her hands. The cat book, the one-word book, and the workbook. Before she could change her mind, she headed for the registers. It wouldn’t hurt to buy them. She’d just have to hide them from Barry.