6 – Chowder Surprise (Pt. 3)

 

Unsurprisingly, word about the finger in the clam chowder spread fast. By the end of the following day, the once-bustling restaurant was practically empty. The mansion itself, actually. Stellaluna roamed the empty corridors out of boredom.

She spotted Yannick in the distance, on his knees, polishing the door knobs of the private theater. She wandered over to him. “Hello.”

Yannick looked up and smiled. “Hi.”

“Need any help?”

“No. I am almost done.” He continued rubbing a rag over the ornate, silver knobs. “Want you something watch?”

Stellaluna shook her head. “There’s nothing good I haven’t already seen a million times. I’m just, really really bored.”

“If you’re so bored,” a new voice said, “why don’t you do something for me?”

Stellaluna turned around to come face-to-face with Barry. He wore a frown with his usual suit. Whatever he wanted her to do, it couldn’t be fun.

Then again, she was desperate to do something. “What?”

Barry pulled her away from Yannick, out of earshot. “I want you to call that soup company, tell them what happened, and demand compensation! Threaten to sue if you must.”

“You want me to do that?” Negotiation was not Stellaluna’s strong suit.

“I sure as hell don’t want to. And maybe they’ll go soft on a woman.” Barry procured a soup can from his pocket, and pointed at the back label. In the smallest print, at the bottom, was a series of markings. “There’s the phone number.”

“I can’t read,” Stellaluna reminded him.

“You can’t match the digits on your phone to the digits on here?”

Stellaluna hadn’t a clue what he was referring to. “Whenever I need to call someone, I tell my watch to do it for me.”

Barry muttered something under his breath. “Do you have your phone on you?”

Stellaluna reached into the pocket of her dress, and handed it over. Barry tapped and typed on it, then handed it back. It was open on what she recognized as the call screen.

“There. Call them now.”

Despite not knowing any of the words on the screen, she knew each icon and every button. Stellaluna pressed the green button, and put the phone to her ear. It rang a couple times, followed by a woman’s voice recording.

“This is the helpline for Hamilten Soup. For suggestions, press or say 1. For questions, press or say 2. For problems, press or say 3. For allergy-”

“3,” Stellaluna said.

“For problems with an order, press or say 1. For problems with quality, press or say 2.”

“2.”

“What type of soup are you calling about? If you don’t know or if it-”

“Clam chowder.”

“Please hold.”

An upbeat tune played. Stellaluna sighed and looked to Barry to find him gone. Great. What if someone needed information she didn't know? She didn’t even have the can. Not that she’d be able to read anything on it...

Yannick still sat in front of the theater doors with his rag in hand. Stellaluna walked over, and he looked up. “Did you see where Barry went?”

“I saw him walk in there.” Yannick nodded towards the nearby restrooms.

He must have needed to go badly, because those were more for the servants than anyone else. Guests weren’t allowed in this area of the mansion.

The phone crackled to life with a woman's voice. “Hamilten Soup. What seems to be the problem?”

A woman working a call line? Strange, but Stellaluna shrugged it off. “Yes, we found a severed finger in one of your cans. We were hoping-”

“I’m sorry. I don’t understand. Can you repeat that?”

“We bought a can of your clam chowder, and there was a finger in it-”

“I’m sorry. I don’t understand. Can you repeat that?”

Stellaluna’s mouth fell. Was this a bot? “I want to speak to a human.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t understand. Can you repeat that?”

“I want a real person.”

“That is offensive. Bots are real people too.”

Oh Lord. Stellaluna put her hand over her face. “There was something bad in the chowder. We want a refund and an explanation.”

“Please hold while I transfer you to a representative.”

Hopefully that meant a real person. More upbeat music played while Stellaluna wandered over to the restrooms. Was Barry still in there, or had he left without her noticing?

The music played on. Stellaluna leaned her back against the wall, wondering how long she had been on the phone. After what felt like ten minutes, a male voice spoke.

“Hamilten Soup. How can we help you?”

“Yes, we bought your clam chowder, and there was a finger in it.”

“That’s impossible,” the man said.

“It’s true! My husband owns a restaurant, and a customer found it in his clam chowder. We’ve lost business over this, and we want… compensation. Or we’ll… sue?”

The man laughed. “Are you sure it wasn’t planted there?”

“Yes we’re sure. It’s a real finger.”

“Well, we’re going to need proof it came directly from our can.”

Proof? All evidence had been discarded. “So you can’t help us?”

Barry appeared. “Ask to speak to the manager.”

“May I speak with your manager?” Stellaluna asked.

“Okay.” The upbeat music returned once more.

Barry grabbed the phone, and put it to his ear. “Let me show you how a man does it.”

After a moment of silence, Barry spoke. “Yes. This is Barry Callahan, of Callahan Mansion. Recently I purchased a bulk order of your clam chowder for one of our marvelous restaurants, and found a finger in one of the cans.” More silence. “I said I found a finger in one of your cans.” Barry ran his fingers through his hair. “Is this the manager?” A pause. “You don’t sound like a manager. You sound like a robot. What? I thought you said you were the manager? But you’re a robot? They’re making robots managers now? Can I speak to your boss? What do you mean you don’t have a boss? Surely a company as fine as Hamilten isn’t run by a robot!”

Barry yanked the phone away from his ear and stared at the screen. “It hung up on me!”

Somehow Stellaluna wasn’t surprised. By Barry getting hung up on, anyway. She took her phone back, and put it in her pocket. “That company is run by a robot?”

“Yes! I can’t believe it. How can a robot run a company? And how will I get compensation for all the business lost? How will I ever get business back?” Barry’s eyes wandered over to Yannick. “You! Servant!”

Yannick walked over to Barry. “Yes Master Callahan?”

“I need you to take the fall.”

Take the fall? “What’s that supposed to mean?” Stellaluna asked. Surely he didn’t mean what she thought he meant.

Yannick tilted his head to the side, clearly confused by the expression.

“You are going to go on record, saying you put the finger in the food. Then, I’ll fire you so people will see I took swift action on this. Customers will return in no time!”

“You can’t fire him!”

“Why not? There’s plenty of other servants-”

“It’s cruel! He did nothing wrong!”

Barry let out a sigh. “See, this is why women can’t run businesses. Always choosing emotions over logic.”

Stellaluna chewed her lip. Servants like Yannick typically focused on cleaning the off-limits areas of the mansion. The vast majority of customers never saw them. “Couldn’t you just lie and say you fired him? People won’t have to know. It’s not like they’ll know what he looks like.”

“It’ll be more effective and believable if he admits it on camera. Everyone will know what he looks like!” Barry pulled out his phone, and pointed it at Yannick as though taking a picture. “On three, admit that you put the finger in the customer’s clam chowder. 1… 2… 3!”

Yannick stared at the phone, silent. He probably didn’t understand the instructions. Or any part of their conversation.

“Well?”

“I understand not.”

“What?” Barry lowered the phone to squint at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I think he doesn’t understand the instructions,” Stellaluna said. She cleared her throat. “Servants are rather daft, you know.”

Barry stroked his chin. “That’s true. We’ll need someone who isn’t daft. Someone actually willing to play along. Someone I trust… But who?”

His phone rang. Barry looked at his screen, face brightening. “Waylon!”

 

~~~~~

 

Sebastian found himself standing in front of Barry and Waylon, in the gardens of Callahan Mansion. The sun shone down on them all.

“Now, do you remember your lines?” Barry asked.

“Do I have to do this?” Sebastian asked.

“If you know what’s good for you,” Waylon huffed. “Barry’s done a lot for us. The least you can do is say a few lines on video.”

“But everyone’s gonna hate me.”

“Everyone already hates you!”

That was true. Everyone except Axel. And what would Axel think of this? It doesn’t matter. Sebastian had stopped talking to him for good reason. He needed to stop caring about the man.

Come to think of it, this might be a good thing. If Axel thought Sebastian stuck a finger in someone’s food, maybe he’ll finally stop texting him.

Sebastian looked into the camera. “I’m ready.”

“Action!”

“Hello… residents of Gilran.” Sebastian forced his flat voice to pick up. “The gossip going around about the finger in the clam chowder at Callahan Mansion? I confess- it was me. I thought it would be funny. I’m sorry.”

Barry tapped at his screen and watched the recording. “What do you think, Waylon?”

“It could be more convincing.” Waylon’s eyes shot to Sebastian. “Can’t you put a little more emotion into it?”

What kind of emotion would Sebastian possibly put into something like this? “I don’t know how you want me to say it.”

“Be remorseful,” Barry said. “Make your voice shake a little.”

“What, like I’m holding back tears?” Sebastian forced a sniffle, and blubbered. “I’m sorry!”

“That's too much,” Waylon said.

At the same time, Barry shouted, “Perfect! Now, start from the top.”

That evening, Sebastian left his room for the kitchen, to see how much longer until dinner was ready. His father sat in the family room, tuned into the news. Sebastian was greeted by his own face, dramatically expressing his regrets on video.

“I can’t believe he would do something like that,” news anchor Dan Asher said.

“I just want to know where he got the finger,” Jimmy Rodgers said.

“There’s a conspiracy going around that Callahan made him lie on video to bring business back.”

“That’s crazy. Why would he lie about that? Who would lie about that?”

“I don’t know. But he’s a weird one. Because of this, Mayor Barstow’s popularity rating has gone down!”

Waylon swore loudly. “I didn’t even think of that!” He glared at Sebastian, like it was all his fault. “They better have forgotten about this incident by the time I officially announce my government run.”

Sebastian sighed right as his watch chimed. He left the room to check the text on his phone. As suspected, it was from Axel.

You didn’t really sneak a finger into someone’s food, did you?

Sebastian’s thumb hovered over the “reply” button for a few seconds. He longed to text him the truth. To tell him the reason his father put him up to it. But he had vowed to drop all contact with him.

Three moving dots appeared, and a new text from Axel came through.

Personally, I thought the video was too campy. You need to work on your acting.

Before Sebastian could process the words, another text popped up.

Wanna hang out later? Get some slushies and talk about hot girls?

They had an inside joke? Sebastian’s heart pounded with excitement, and he grew warm at the memory of their first slushie. Axel had made him so happy that day. So happy in general.

And yet so dirty. Shame replaced the warmth. No, this friendship needed to end. For Sebastian’s own sanity.

But he couldn’t bring himself to tell him no. To make up some excuse. Instead, he slipped his phone into his pocket, ignoring the texts altogether. It was for the best.