5 – The Fight (4)

 

Sebastian sat at a bar, shot of whiskey in hand. He’d been two years sober. But between that fight, his memories of Camp Hope, and his father screaming at him… He needed a drink.

Of course, Waylon easily figured out what caused Sebastian to lose that fight. Sebastian denied it over and over, swearing he wasn’t interested in men anymore. That the crowd distracted him. It had nothing to do with Jake’s unbuttoned shirt, or his straddling of the hips.

“That was the gayest fight I’ve seen in my life,” Waylon had said, before finally leaving Sebastian’s room. “You looked like a couple of queers out there.”

Sebastian tilted his head back, and took the shot. It burned his throat, just how he liked it. He set down the empty glass, unsure whether to order a second whiskey shot, or go for vodka.

Someone took the bar stool next to him. “Hey stranger.”

Sebastian turned to see Axel next to him. The sight made him hot. Or maybe it was the alcohol. Hopefully the alcohol.

The bartender asked Axel what he wanted. He ordered a beer, and Sebastian went for a shot of vodka. The bartender left to work on their drinks.

“What happened to your jaw?” Axel asked in a voice filled with concern.

Sebastian focused his gaze on his empty shot glass. “I don’t want to talk about it."

“It wasn’t your father, was it?”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it.” Though Sebastian didn’t want Axel to think his father was physically abusing him. “But it’s not from my dad. He only sends me to camps that do it for him.”

The bartender placed a shot of vodka in front of Sebastian. Sebastian took it, then asked for a beer.

Axel took a sip from his own beer, studying Sebastian and the two empty shot glasses. “Seriously though. Are you doing okay? You haven’t responded to any of my texts.”

Something that took a lot of willpower. After his fight with Jake, Sebastian decided to cut ties with Axel altogether. He needed to get over him. That man only reminded him of that gross part of himself. Being around him wasn’t healthy.

The bartender brought Sebastian his beer, and moved on to someone sitting a few seats away.

“I know we haven’t known each other long,” Axel said, “but you can tell me anything.”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Do you want a distraction? We can go do something.”

What Sebastian wanted was for Axel to go away. His kind words only exacerbated the dirty feelings. He turned towards Axel to tell him to leave him alone. But one look at his handsome face made him reconsider everything.

Axel smiled. “You’re finally looking at me. You’re allowed to, you know.”

It was obviously meant as a joke. Axel wouldn’t know about Sebastian not being allowed to look at a man for more than three seconds. It was enough to get thrown into The Circle. Or The Hole. Sometimes both, depending on the counselor.

With a shudder, Sebastian chugged his glass of beer.

“Jesus!” Axel tugged at Sebastian’s arm. “Slow down. You’ll make yourself sick.”

“I don’t care.”

“At least drink some water.”

Sebastian grunted. He didn’t even have water to drink.

Axel waved the bartender over, and asked for a glass of water. The bartender brought one right over, then walked away to help another customer.

“Please.” Axel slid the water closer to Sebastian. “You’ll be glad you did, later.”

Sebastian complied, though he didn’t care about whether or not he’d have a hangover.

“It's fine if you don't want to talk about it. But we should at least do something to take your mind off your problem. Getting plastered in a bar isn’t healthy."

Sebastian watched Axel drink his beer. “You’re drinking too."

“Yeah, one beer after a long work day. Not a line of shots because of… whatever’s going on with you.”

“I only did two.”

“Plus a beer. I hope you plan on stopping after that.”

Sebastian originally planned on having as many shots as the bartender would allow. Axel showing up to judge him changed that. “I will.”

“Good.” Axel took a sip of his beer.

Sebastian allowed himself to stare at Axel. Axel had given him permission to do so, after all. He found himself feeling hot again. And dizzy. And nauseous.

“Are you able to hang out after we’re done here?” Axel asked. “I know there’s not much to do in this shitty town, but you look like you could use a friend.”

How could Sebastian turn Axel down? Refuse his friendship? Nobody had shown him any kindness. Even that Californian prick, who knew nothing about him, hated him.

“We could at least walk outside a bit,” Axel said. “The fresh air will do you good.”

His kindness was disorienting. Confusing. And yet Sebastian needed it.

“We could go to that one park… I forget what it’s called, but it’s close by. It’s got a trail.” Axel frowned. “Nah, it’s too dark for that. Probably closed at this hour. Maybe some other time.”

Sebastian’s mind was stuck on the word “trail.” Thinking about the last time he’d been on a trail while not wanting to think about what had happened the last time he was on a trail. His eyes watered, and he closed them.

“Do you like hiking?” Axel asked nonchalantly. Like hiking was a perfectly normal activity to enjoy.

Sebastian struggled to control his breathing as memories of torturous hikes filled his thoughts. The tears he fought to hide, rolled down his cheeks.

Axel’s eyes rounded. “I’m sorry… What did I say wrong?”

“Hike…” Sebastian’s voice cracked as he buried his face in his hands. He took deep breaths to keep any more tears from falling.

“I take it you don’t like hiking…” Axel’s voice trailed off. “Sorry. Of course you don’t like hiking. That was a stupid question.”

Six hours of hiking, the hot summer sun beating down upon them. Carrying backpacks full of rocks. All in the name of making him a “man.” At least they were all allowed one water bottle. Two, if you had reached Rank 3.

“What do you like to do?” Axel asked.

“Lock myself in my room and wallow in self-hatred.” Sebastian wiped his eyes.

“That doesn’t sound very fun.”

“Sometimes I play video games.”

“Now that’s something I can work with. Except I don’t have any. I’d have to go over to your house and I somehow doubt your father would welcome me in.”

Sebastian smiled. “No he would not.”

The two finished their beers in silence. The bar grew more crowded, and the air stuffy.

“At the very least, I could go for some fresh air,” Axel finally said. “I’m done here when you are.”

 

The air outside was crisp and cool. Sebastian zipped up his leather jacket, though it took him a few tries. The two wandered down the streets of town. The sidewalks were dirt paths, and half of the streetlights weren’t working. Most of the light came from the moon.

Sebastian struggled to walk in a straight line. Axel had to help guide him steady. Eventually, they stumbled upon a small park with a few benches, and a playground. They sat next to each other on one of the benches.

“This is different than the park I suggested,” Axel said. “There aren’t any trails, so it should be safe for you.”

Sebastian felt an urge to lean against Axel. The fact he’d feel such a feeling towards a man made him sick. So he leaned away from him instead.

“You okay?”

“I’m nauseous.” Hopefully Axel would worry he’d throw up, and keep his distance.

“That’s why I told you to drink water.”

“I did drink water.”

“Barely.”

They sat in silence for a moment, until Axel’s knee brushed against Sebastian’s. “Wanna hear about my new boyfriend?”

Sebastian’s stomach churned. He wasn’t sure how to politely say no.

Axel took his silence as a yes. “Our dinner date went well. And then we went to…” He hesitated. “… to my place.”

“Uh-huh.” Sebastian already hated where this was going.

“Things got a little heavy. I wasn’t expecting to go so far. But he knew exactly how to turn me on.”

Sebastian’s nausea grew worse at every passing word.

“He even wanted to have sex with me. But it feels too soon, you know? He was cool about it, but it turns out he has a lot of experience.”

“Oh God.” Sebastian felt a sharp, burning pain in his chest.

“I know, right? I almost ended things. But talking to him feels natural. And the flirting is fun. So what if he-”

Sebastian ran over to a nearby clump of bushes, fell to his knees, and vomited. Axel followed him over to hold back his hair. Such a sweet, romantic gesture.

It was enough to make Sebastian puke again.

“You poor thing.”

“I deserve it.” Sebastian returned to the bench with Axel, wishing for water to rinse out the acidic taste in his mouth.

“Don’t talk like that about yourself.” Axel put his hand on Sebastian's shoulder. “You’re a great guy. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

Sebastian wanted to push him away. He wanted to use his illness as an excuse to go home. He wanted to flee from his kind words and actions.

“You should try searching for an online support group. They have to exist. I bet you’ll feel better talking to people who’ve been through the same thing.”

“I don’t deserve to get better,” Sebastian mumbled.

“I’m worried about you.” Axel gave him a one-armed hug.

A hug. Sebastian couldn’t remember the last time he’d been hugged. Without thinking, he leaned against Axel, and cried for the first time in years.

~~~~~

Jake came home confused and not knowing what to think. Sebastian was gay? And went to some sort of camp? The camp part had to be true, given Sebastian apparently learned how to fight there. What the hell kind of camp teaches a kid how to fight like that?

Once alone in his room, Jake laid on his bed, and searched Sebastian Barstow on his phone. Many news articles showed up. The most recent headline read, "Gilran Mayor's Son Caught Harassing Women." Jake's guilt subsided. But he was curious for more details. He clicked, and read the short article.

The headline summed it up well enough. Sebastian was at a clothing store, harassing women into going out with him. Jake rolled his eyes. Pathetic. It did mention that he used to be gay, but one summer at Camp Hope "fixed him."

Jake searched Camp Hope. As suspected, it was a conversion camp for queer teens. Located in Idaho, their web page boasted about how every queer kid they take in comes out “normal.”

Jake leaned back against the headboard. He couldn’t believe conversion camps existed. That people actually sent their kids there. But they didn't work. Sebastian wasn't "fixed" at all. He had too much interest in Jake’s bare chest. And the way he became weak and breathless when Jake pinned him down? That was all it took for Jake to win.

What did they even do at conversion camps? Jake returned to the search results and found several news articles about a kid who died there. There was no mention on how exactly he died. Just that he was on a hike and collapsed.

Eventually, he landed on a discussion group for former Camp Hope survivors, of people discussing their experiences. Jake read the latest post.

kandykanez: Does anyone else have problems looking at people of the same gender? I always feel like someone is going to attack me if I do.

gay_mess: All the time. Someone pointed it out to me last week, so I’ve been trying to break the habit. But I keep thinking I’ll have to go in The Circle for it.

kandykanez: ikr?? I swear, I ended up in there every time they caught me looking. Other people only lost points. Not me!

AceGoneWild: I hated it when people would say I was looking at them when I wasn’t, just so they could get points. I got close to Rank 5 but lost 60 points because someone accused me of checking them out. They ended up getting my 60 points! I was so close to leaving that hellhole early!!!

gay_mess: That sucks! Has anyone ever made it to Rank 5? I always got the feeling the place rigged it so you couldn’t.

billiep820: I almost did. But then a counselor docked me 40 points for looking at a squirrel.

Jake stared at the conversation, now understanding why Sebastian refused to look at him. But what the hell was The Circle? He scrolled for a post that answered the question.

Zennybear: Are they still doing The Circle? I was talking to someone who got out two years ago and they said they never did that.

billiep820: I hope not. Someone broke my arm in there. The counselors didn’t even do anything about it, just gave me an ice pack and told me to suck it up.

shadeclaw: I got out last summer. What the hell is the circle?

deeprest: There was this circle drawn in the dirt you had to stay inside of. They'd call on a random camper you had to fight for one minute. After one minute, you had to fight a different camper. And so on until you passed out. No breaks. If someone refused to fight, they were dropped down a rank and had to spend a night in The Hole.

shadeclaw: How is that supposed to make you straight?

deeprest: I don’t think it had anything to do with actually converting anyone. It was just another way to keep us from making friends.

AceGoneWild: My theory is, they wanted to come up with a punishment so ridiculous, our parents will think we’re making it up if we try talking about it.

Jake tossed his phone aside with a groan. He’d read enough. Guilt crept in. Guilt over how rude he had been to Sebastian. His experience made Axel look lucky. Jake would have to try and find some way to apologize.