2 – Maple’s Confusion (3)

 

After work, Axel cleaned himself up in the bathroom, then drove to a nearby frozen yogurt shop. He waited at an outside table. After a few minutes, Sebastian approached him.

“Hey,” Sebastian said to the ground.

“Hi.” Axel rubbed the back of his neck. “Want to go inside?”

“Yeah.”

They went inside. There was one employee behind the counter who barely acknowledged them over his phone. Axel grabbed a cup and filled it with cookies and cream froyo. Sebastian picked french vanilla. They chose their toppings, and went to pay. Sebastian held his watch out towards the payment screen, but Axel stopped him.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s on me.”

“Are you sure?”

But Axel had already tapped his watch against the screen.

“Have a good day,” the dead-eyed cashier said.

Axel and Sebastian walked away. “Do you want to eat outside or in?” Sebastian asked.

“Outside is fine.” It would be harder for people to overhear them.

They chose a secluded area. An uncomfortable silence filled the air as they ate. Axel had wanted to personally give him his thanks. But now that Sebastian was in front of him, he wasn’t sure how to go about doing so. Surely bringing it up first thing would make things even more stilted than they were.

“So,” Sebastian set his spoon down, though stared at the table instead of at Axel. “What made you want me to call you?”

There was his opening. “It’s kind of a long story.”

Sebastian waited for him to continue while he busied himself with eating his froyo. “Well?”

“Can we circle back to that later?” Axel asked. “It’s an awkward first conversation.”

“No more awkward than everything else.” Sebastian glanced up and smiled.

“Yeah, you’re right. Good point.” Axel took another bite. “It’s just, the more I think about it, the stupider of an idea this was.”

“You think us hanging out is stupid?”

“No! I… wanted to thank you.”

Somehow, he managed to make things more awkward. So awkward, Sebastian actually stared at him. It was then Axel realized that Sebastian never really looked at him for more than five seconds at a time. And Sebastian continued staring for another ten seconds before finally responding.

“What the hell do you want to thank me for?”

“I’m sorry for bringing this back up. I know you don’t want to be reminded of it.”

“The scandal?”

Axel nodded, and looked around. They were completely alone. He lowered his voice. “I’m gay too.”

Sebastian’s eyes widened, looking as though he were about to spit out his food. He swallowed. “You’re…”

“Yes.”

“Oh God.” Sebastian went back to staring at the table. One hand buried in his hair, the other tightly gripping his spoon.

Axel’s heart sunk. He expected someone like Sebastian to be understanding. Had he made a terrible mistake? “You’re not mad about it, are you?”

“What? No. I’m surprised is all. What’s that got to do with…” Sebastian dropped his spoon into his cup, and leaned in with narrowed eyes. “This isn’t a date, is it?”

Axel could feel his face warming. Although Sebastian wasn’t bad to look at, the thought of dating him never crossed his mind. “No. Like I said, I wanted to thank you.”

“For?”

It was a long, personal story. One he didn’t think Sebastian would care all that much about hearing. “About seven years ago, people found out about it. My parents did too. They kicked me out.”

Sebastian glanced up, his eyes softening. “I’m sorry.”

“His name was Marley, and we had been best friends since childhood. We became secret boyfriends in high school. But then kids at school caught us making out behind the bleachers. I got bullied for it. It made me feel like a freak. Like something was wrong with me. I felt alone.”

Sebastian continued listening in silence, eyes back on his spoon.

“Then, news of… what happened with you. I heard about it. Your story was a lot like mine. And it made me feel less alone. Like I wasn’t the only person who’d been in that position.” Axel paused to let Sebastian take it in. “I wanted to thank you, for giving me a bit of light during such a dark time.”

Sebastian rubbed his forehead, eyes still avoiding Axel. “Well, I’m glad something good came out from my misery.”

“I know. It was a stupid thing to say.” Axel scraped the remains of his froyo, hoping he hadn’t ruined any chance of a potential friendship. He could use someone with a shared experience, and he wouldn’t be surprised if Sebastian felt the same way.

“Wasn’t your boyfriend there for you?” Sebastian asked.

“That’s where our stories get even more similar.” Axel took a breath to keep his voice even. “His parents found out that same day. They sent him straight to one of those conversion schools. I never found out the name of the place, so I couldn’t contact him. I was hoping he’d contact me. But he didn’t.”

“They never would have allowed it,” Sebastian said. “Where I was, we were only allowed to contact family members. And that was after being good for a month.”

“I thought so.” Axel had never been able to confirm it. A few months after Marley’s 18th birthday, Axel searched for him online. He was hoping to find a way to reconnect, but all he found was his obituary. It mentioned Marley had committed suicide. He hadn’t even been out of that school for a year.

Axel wondered if Sebastian went through similar mental struggles. He probably had. “Those places should be illegal. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“Don’t be. It worked.”

Axel’s spoon clattered against the cup. “You’re not gay anymore?”

“No. Didn’t you hear the news about that?”

“I thought you were faking it.” Axel leaned forward. “It really made you straight?”

“Normal,” Sebastian corrected him. “Straight is a slur, you know. Like cis. And allo.”

That camp must have been effective, but Axel still had his doubts. “I thought all it did was suppress the attraction and make the person feel dirty for having those kinds of thoughts.”

“Well they don’t,” Sebastian snapped. “I’m normal now. I like women. I’m going to marry a woman.”

“I thought you didn’t want to get married?”

Sebastian turned pink. “I don’t. But, I mean. Eventually I’m going to. And it’ll be to a woman.”

“If you say so.” Axel had a feeling the camp only succeeded in making Sebastian hate himself for liking men. It was probably the same thought process that caused his friend to kill himself. It was a thought process that took Axel years to overcome himself, and he hadn’t even experienced conversion therapy. “There’s nothing wrong with being gay.”

“I don’t care that you are, and your secret is safe with me.” Sebastian took one last bite of his froyo. “I just want you to know that I’m not.”

“That’s fine.” Axel studied Sebastian. He had his arms in front of his chest, completely blocking himself off. And throughout their whole meeting, Sebastian had barely looked at Axel. At first he thought it was some sort of quirk, but now he wondered if it went deeper than that. Instead of admiring Sebastian, Axel found himself pitying him. Having to hide being gay from others was bad enough. But trying to hide it from oneself?

The sun began to set. The air grew cooler. The two had finished their froyo, but Axel wanted to get to know Sebastian a little better. “Do you want to go for a walk or something?”

Sebastian glanced at his watch. “I should go home.”

“Oh.” Axel must have really screwed up.

Sebastian got out of his chair, and grabbed Axel’s empty cup. “Maybe next week”

Perhaps he hadn’t screwed up too badly. Axel followed him to the nearest trash can. “Really?”

“I’ll text you.” Sebastian smiled at him. “It was nice meeting you, awkward as this has been.”

“Next time I’ll try not to be so awkward.”

 

~~~~~

 

Maple followed Jake upstairs to his bedroom. He opened the door, and the two walked inside.

The room was practically bare. Jake must not have finished unpacking everything. There was a bookshelf against the wall with several books and a picture frame. He had a king-sized bed in the corner, with a nightstand next to it. A dresser sat across from the bed. There was an open door that led to a bathroom, and a closed door that was probably a closet. Not a single poster, picture, or shelf hung on the white walls. Jake sat on the edge of his bed.

Maple took a seat next to him. “It’s… empty in here. Do you still have a lot to unpack?”

“What do you mean? I already unpacked everything.”

“Where’s all your stuff?”

“Put away in my drawers. What, you expect me to have my underwear laying around?” Jake smirked. Actually smirked.

Maple tried not to think about what kind of underwear Jake wore. “I mean, your walls. Your dresser. No shelves. Where’s your knick knacks and things? Pictures?”

“I have a book shelf.” Jake pointed to it. “There’s stuff on that.”

It held a total of eight books. “That’s hardly anything.”

“Right.” Jake sighed. “People here fill their houses with cheap plastic that will only end up in a landfill.”

“And people in California don’t decorate their rooms?”

“Nope. You can’t even buy ‘knick knacks and things.’”

Did everyone in California have a room as depressing as Jake’s? “Wow.”

“They’re not illegal to own. No one cares if you bring back junk from other countries. But unless something serves an actual purpose, then businesses can’t sell them.”

“Decorations serve a purpose. They make a room look nice.”

“I mean a real purpose. Like, mirrors would be okay because you need them to see your face. Pictures aren’t, because all you do is look at them. You can do that with your phone.”

“Technically you can look at your face with your phone,” Maple pointed out.

“True, but it’s not the same.” Jake looked to his bookshelf. “I will say, not being able to buy physical books sucks. I like the way they look and feel. My dad brought me those from business trips.”

“I guess California’s not all that great then,” Maple said.

“There’s downsides, yeah. Do you read at all?”

Maple never got into books. Then again, no one ever gave her books to read. Even in school, they only studied excerpts of novels from textbooks. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t…” Jake took off his glasses just to rub his hand over his eyes, then put them back on. “Let me guess. Women here aren’t allowed to read.”

“We’re allowed to read. I know how. I’ve just never read a novel.”

“Never?”

“No one ever gave me one to read.”

“Wow.” Jake eyed her curiously. “What about short stories?”

“I’ve read them.” Though it had only been for school. “Not many people here read.”

“You should try it sometime.”

Maple walked over to the bookshelf. Jake stood next to her, his shoulder brushing against her own. The scent of his soap distracted her.

A title caught her eye. Escaping the Madhouse: The Nellie Bly Story. She pulled it out.

“That’s a good choice.”

“What’s it about?” Maple opened the book to a random page.

“A journalist who pretended to be mentally-ill to see what asylums were like for women. It’s a true story. Happened in the late 1800’s.”

Maple held the book in her hands. That sounded so… brave. Maple wished she had the courage to do something like that. “Interesting. The journalist was a woman?”

“Yep. Even the 1800’s had women journalists.”

“And you’re… okay with that?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? Talk bad about the ESA all you want, but at least women are free to do whatever they want there.”

Maple couldn’t argue with that. Sacrificing nice things would be worth having an actual life outside of marriage and children. She’d never dared to dream of such a life. A woman journalist... Maple closed the book.

“You can borrow it if you want.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’ll give us an excuse to see each other again.” Jake smiled a special smile that made her weak in the knees. She had to sit back down on his bed.

He sat next to her, his leg touching hers. Neither of them pulled away. Maple stared into his beautiful, blue eyes. She used to roll her eyes whenever girls would swoon over boys they barely knew. And here she was, doing exactly that.

But how could she not? He was different from the boys here. She kept waiting for some major flaw. Something that would kill her interest in him. But so far, there was nothing. Maybe that smug attitude about California, but she could live with that. It was much better than patronizing comments and wandering hands.

Of course, the one man she wouldn’t mind touching her like that, wasn’t touching her like that. She casually leaned against him, hoping he’d take it as a hint.

And he did. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder. The two of them remained that way for a moment.

Jake eventually broke the silence. “How many of these men you meet end the date with a kiss?”

“Every single one of them.” Maple nearly gagged at the memories of each man. “I never want them to, but they do it anyway.”

Jake nodded, then smiled. “Guess I won’t kiss you then.”

“I won’t mind you kissing me.” The words slipped out. Maple jerked her head away, face flushed.

“Really?” Jake sounded pleased at the fact.

"Maybe..." Maple ran her finger over the edge of the book. “You’re the first boy I’ve ever liked.”

“The first?” Jake furrowed his brow. “Twenty years old and never had a crush. Are you on the aro spectrum? Ace spectrum? Or do Jefferson boys just suck that much?”

The what spectrums? Confused as she was, she was also confused as to why Jake thought she was twenty. “I’m not twenty.”

“Oh, sorry. Barry told me you were my age.”

“He probably meant we’re close in age.”

“Makes sense. So you’re, what, 19? That’s only a year off.”

Maple shook her head. “Younger.”

“Younger?” Jake’s voice shook as he pulled away. “Please tell me you’re 18.”

“Close. 17.”

“17!” Jake’s eyes widened. “You’re still a minor?”

“I’ll be 18 soon.”

“By ‘soon’ I hope you mean next week.”

Should Maple lie and say yes? Somehow she felt Jake would eventually find out and be even more upset. Maybe it would be best if she ignored the remark altogether. “It’s not that big of a deal. I’ve been set up with men past their forties.”

“Forties?!”

“Usually they are.” Maple failed to see the problem. “What’s the big deal? There’s a girl in my class who’s set to marry a 64 year old.”

“A girl in your class? Marrying a 64 year old?” Jake gaped at her. “That’s fucking disgusting!”

“They’re waiting until she graduates.”

“I hope you mean, graduates college.”

Maple laughed at the thought of a woman getting accepted into a university. “You think women here go to college?”

“Yeah, that was a ridiculous assumption to make.” Jake buried his face in his hands. “This place makes me feel like I’ve time traveled back to the 15th century.”

“The point is, 17 and 20 isn’t a big deal at all. We can easily make it work.” Maple leaned against him, but Jake pulled away again.

“No. Not happening. I’m not dating a minor!”

Maple’s heart sunk. She should have kept her mouth shut and gone along with him thinking she was twenty. “I thought you liked me.”

“I like being around you. And you are pretty. Just… wait a year. Okay? We can revisit the idea then.”

“But I might be married to a 64 year old by then.” Maple smiled at him playfully, but he just winced.

“I’m sorry. It’s just… you’re still in high school!”

“My last year of high school.”

“We can be friends,” Jake said. “We can hang out and talk and do friendship things. But none of this touchy-feely couple stuff. Okay?”

Maple nodded, gaze focused on the carpet. She wasn’t sure if she could handle just being friends. But maybe in a year. If she could manage to avoid getting herself married off until then, there was hope. “Okay.”

An uncomfortable silence followed, broken by the sound of people approaching the doorway. Maple and Jake turned to see Walker, Carter, and Will standing outside the room.

“There you are,” Walker said, frowning at the pair. “We’re going home now.”

“Okay.” Maple reluctantly left Jake’s side, and followed her brothers out of the house. Jake right behind her.

“Good bye, Mapes,” Jake said to her, once they reached the front door. Despite their disagreement, he grinned. “Hope to see you again soon.”

Was “Mapes” his new nickname for her? She hugged his book to her chest, fighting back a goofy smile. “Good bye!”

Maple, Walker, and Carter got into the car, and it drove off.

“What’s that he gave you?” Walker asked from the driver’s seat.

“A book.”

Her brothers laughed. And for good reason. What man would give a woman a book? But Jake wasn’t an ordinary man. He was special, even if he had strange reasons for not dating her.

“What a freak,” Carter muttered.

“He’s out for sure,” Walker added.

Although Jake didn’t want her now, she’d been hoping her brothers would be open to waiting another year. To see if Jake would have a change of heart then. Surely they weren’t going to decline him altogether after meeting him twice? She didn’t want to seem too eager, so didn’t argue. “You’re not doing business with Mr. Williams?”

“We can still do business with them.,” Carter said. “You two don’t have to be married for that. It would’ve made things look better for both parties, but we’ll have no problem managing.”

“We don’t even have to like them,” Walker said. “No, I think the next man we have in mind will be a much better match.”

“Jake and I were getting along well,” Maple said. “Why do we have to try another man?”

“Did you not hear what we were saying?” Walker shook his head. “That Jake isn’t an option. He’s too weird.”

“He’s sweet!” The words slipped out. Maple looked out the window to avoid the stares her brothers gave her.

“Oh God.”

“You actually Iiked him?”

“A little.” Her reddening face betrayed just how “little” she liked him.

Her brothers laughed about it for the rest of the drive home. Near tears, Maple tried to distract herself from her emotions. She wondered what this “next man” would be like.

 

~~~~~

 

Sebastian couldn’t believe it. He sat in his car as it drove him home. Axel, handsome Axel, was gay. There was also a decent chance he was single. Sebastian almost asked, he but didn’t want to put any ideas in Axel’s head. The last thing Sebastian needed was a secret boyfriend. He was supposed to like women. No, not supposed to. He did like women. Very much. So much, he was going to marry one.

The thought filled him with anxiety.

So he directed his mind towards Axel’s story. He, too, had been caught with another man. He, too, had to face similar consequences. Except Axel was actually dating his best friend, whereas Sebastian threw his life away over a friend’s cousin. The boy was visiting for a few weeks from Oregon. They had a drunken make-out session in the bathroom at a party. Completely meaningless.

Axel may have gotten caught like Sebastian, but getting kicked out? He had it good. Sebastian would take living on the streets over a summer at Camp Hope any day.

Waylon was sitting in a chair on the front porch when Sebastian came crawling home.

“Where were you?”

“Out.” Sebastian paused. “Looking for a woman.”

Waylon grinned. “Any luck?”

“No. How am I supposed to find one anyway?”

“Walk up and talk to a girl, of course. How else?”

“Won’t they think that’s weird?”

Waylon stared at Sebastian. “You know, your social skills are horseshit.”

“I know.” The outing with Axel proved that. But in Sebastian’s defense, his social skills were great before Waylon sent him to Camp Hope. He used to have lots of friends before he was caught on video kissing that boy. Once that evidence dropped, he lost all of them in one day.

“How about, tomorrow night I’ll take you out. Find you a woman to test yourself on.”

Sebastian had mixed feelings about that. On one hand, maybe he would find a woman he liked. And it would prove he was normal. On the other, it seemed lame, having his father going with him. He’d much rather try it solo. Too bad he hadn’t a clue what to do or where to start. And he had no one else to help him. He’d feel weird asking Axel, who would probably be just as clueless.

With that in mind, Sebastian reluctantly agreed.