13 – History (4)

Sebastian awoke to the sound of barking and the smell of pine trees. He opened his eyes to find Tibby next to him, wagging his tail.

“Tibby! You stupid dog.” Sebastian hugged him anyway, flooded with relief. “Where were you?”

Waylon and Ellie stood on his opposite side. Sebastian got to his feet and smiled. Not only had he found Tibby, but his father had found him. He was no longer destined to die in the woods. “You found me!”

“Don’t act so surprised,” Waylon muttered. “You were only a few yards away from home.”

“Huh?” Sebastian frowned off towards the distance. The sun rose behind their cabin. “Oh.”

“Idiots.” Waylon shook his head. “Come on. Your mom’s starting breakfast.”

As soon as Sebastian walked inside, his mother pulled him into a hug. “You’re okay!”

“Of course he’s okay.” Grumbling, Waylon sat in an armchair, and fumbled for the remote.

“I don’t know.” Ellie bit her lip. “He was pretty bad.”

“What do you mean?” Waylon locked eyes with Sebastian as he spoke to Ellie. “Surely he did a good job protecting you and making you feel safe.”

“He had a panic attack and ran away,” Ellie said. “He was passed out by the time I found him.”

“Really?” Waylon glowered at Sebastian.

“Yeah.” Ellie took Sebastian’s hand, interlacing her fingers with his. “But that’s okay. I still love him.”

Love him? She’d never said that before. Ellie made a move to kiss him, but Sebastian pulled away. He had no energy left to fake his attraction. Without looking at her, he walked down the hallway, passing the only spot in the house that had phone reception, and locked himself in his room.

~~~~~

Axel didn’t know how it happened, but he ended up spending the night at Jake’s house. Probably Jake’s promise of letting him use his shower. But only if he could join him. Axel had no complaints about that.

Nor did he have any complaints about sleeping with Jake in his arms. Or of waking up to a tender kiss from him.

Axel rolled over, pinning Jake beneath him. They kissed each other passionately, grinding against each other in only their underwear.

Jake fingered the waistband of Axel’s boxer briefs. “Want to try something different this time?”

“Like what?” Somehow, Axel already knew the answer.

“Oral.”

As he expected. With a sigh, Axel pulled away. “I told you. I’m not ready to go that far.”

“But you said you wanted to.”

“I also said I wanted to wait.”

“Why wait? If you want to, and I want to… What’s the problem?”

The problem was, Axel didn’t know if Jake was the right person to do something that intimate with. And he wasn’t sure how to explain his feelings without Jake getting offended.

“It’s really hard to give a bad blow job. As long as you’re careful with your teeth-”

“It’s not that!”

“Then what are you waiting for? Marriage?”

“Something like that,” Axel muttered.

“You know that’ll never be possible here. Unless you’re suggesting we move to somewhere it is?”

“Maybe if we move in together.” It was the closest thing to marriage Axel would ever get.

“Okay. I’ll ask my dad if you can move in with us.”

It wasn’t the first time Jake had thrown that offer out. Axel always declined. Just the thought made him feel like a charity case. Besides, what if they decided to break up?

Axel tried a different approach. “You know I like you. A lot.”

“And I like you a lot.”

“Yes. And I don’t want to do that with someone I like. I want to do it with someone I love. When I start saying 'I love you,' we can go farther. Okay?”

Jake opened his mouth, but was interrupted by ping from Axel’s watch. And another ping. And another ping. And another ping.

Pings upon pings upon pings rang out in rapid succession. Axel fumbled for his phone. Ten unread text messages from... Axel nearly choked on his own spit. “Sebastian!”

“Huh?”

“Sebastian texted me.” Axel tried to keep his voice even, like he didn’t care. But on the inside, his chest had burst with excitement. He opened the messages, and his racing heart sunk at the first one.

I'm dying. When you get this I'll be dead but I need to tell you some things.

Axel covered his mouth. “Sebastian’s dead?”

“Huh?” Jake peered over his shoulder to read the screen. “Damn, he’s guilt tripping you now?”

“He’s not guilt-tripping me.”

“I’m dying? Seriously?”

Axel ignored Jake as he scrolled through the other messages.

I’m sorry for being an asshole. You didn’t deserve that.

I was going through some stuff. It’s not an excuse but I regret it and hope you forgive me.

I miss you so much. I think about you all the time.

I love you.

The rest of the messages were similar. Axel covered his mouth at the last one.

Death has come. I wish you and Jake all the happiness in the world.

“What a drama king," Jake muttered.

The texts did come across as dramatic, but they also sounded like the ramblings of someone in a major mental crisis. What if Sebastian was taking his life at that very moment? Axel's thumb hovered over the “call” button.

“What are you doing?” Jake hissed. “You’re not actually going to forgive him?”

“I need to make sure he’s alright!” Axel hissed back. “I thought you had a little more sympathy for him.”

“That was before he treated you like shit and started hanging around bigots. His trauma isn’t an excuse to be a dick.”

Axel called anyway. It went straight to voicemail. “Sebastian! It’s Axel. I got your messages. Please call me!” He hung up.

“You actually left a voicemail?”

“Right. He might not check that.” Axel went back to the texts, and typed back a series of his own, frantic messages.

What do you mean you’re dying?

Are you okay?

Please call me!

I’m worried about you.

Jake pulled his phone away. “It’ll be okay. Sebastian is the mayor’s son. Any trouble he’s in, someone will get him out of.”

“He could be killing himself!”

Jake fell silent for a moment. “Sorry. I didn’t think of that.”

Axel gritted his teeth, and reached for his phone, but Jake didn’t return it.

“You’ve sent him enough messages. He’ll get the idea.”

“I need to go to his house. Make sure he’s okay.” Axel raked his fingers through his hair. He knew he should have kept reaching out to Sebastian. Now Sebastian thought Axel no longer cared about him. That nobody cared about him. What if that was why he was killing himself? Axel’s heart continued racing. “Do you know where he lives?”

“No.” Jake set his hand on Axel’s shoulder. “All this worrying is useless. He could be fine now. It’s more likely he’s not answering because he’s resting in a hospital bed.”

Axel bit his knuckle. There weren’t any hospitals in Gilran. He would’ve had to go to Redding. And there were several he could be in.

“Or he’s resting at home. Maybe he’s with his girlfriend.”

“We don’t know that!” For all Axel knew, his girlfriend broke up with him and that’s why he was acting suicidal. "They could have broken up, and now Sebastian has nobody."

“If they broke up, it would be in the local news. Since gossip is the only thing there is to report on here...” Jake grabbed his phone, typed something on it, then showed Axel the screen. There were various articles about Sebastian harassing women, and his father running for governor. A small piece on Sebastian dating a girl. But nothing about a breakup- or anything else that would cause Sebastian to do the worst.

“See? They're still together. Whatever is going on, he still has her to comfort him."

Unless the news hadn't heard about it yet. Axel fidgeted with his phone, but all he could do was wait.

~~~~~

Sebastian lay in the fetal position on the bedroom floor, staring at a clump of dust under the dresser. Someone knocked on the bedroom door.

“Go away,” Sebastian mumbled.

The door opened. His mother walked in, looking down at him. “Breakfast is ready.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“You haven’t eaten since yesterday.” His mother closed the door, and sat on the bed. “We need to have a serious talk.”

“No we don’t.”

“You need to break up with Ellie.”

That caught Sebastian’s attention. He sat up. “What?”

“Your father might be falling for it, but I’m not. I know you’re only dating her to hide the fact you’re still gay.”

“I’m not gay!”

“And I’m not stupid.” His mother folded her arms. “I know you’ve had your heart set on a man for the past few months.”

How the hell did she figure it out? Sebastian wasn’t about to admit though. Instead, he forced a laugh. “Where’d you get that idea?”

“You were really happy about something until Ellie came along. If it was a girl, you would have said so to shut your dad up. But you didn’t.”

“That doesn’t mean I was happy about a boy. I was happy about Tibby.”

“Who showed up after Ellie.” Celine sighed when Sebastian didn’t respond. “All I know is, you were finally happy. Ellie showed up, and you were back to being miserable. What’s going on with you?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“It’s okay if that camp didn’t work. I knew it wouldn’t.”

His mother suspected but still sent him away? Without a goodbye? Sebastian clenched his jaw. “Why’d you send me there then?”

“I didn’t. I told your dad no. Several times! But he’s the man, so he can make whatever decision he wants. I was pissed when I came home and you were gone.”

Sebastian stared at her, open-mouthed, at this bit of information. On the drive to Camp Hope, his father told him she wanted nothing more to do with him. That she was too disgusted to see him off.

“I don’t care if you still like men," Celine said. "You don’t have to hide it from me. Who is he?”

What was the use in denying it any longer? “You won’t tell Dad?”

“I know better than to do that.”

Sebastian didn’t want to talk about it, but the words flowed out anyway. How there was a man he’d fallen in love with. How they were only friends, even though he was also gay. How he had a boyfriend now. How Sebastian started ignoring him, because he knew his feelings were wrong. That the only way to get rid of the feelings was to drive him away. How he hurt Axel, and Axel hadn’t contacted him since. The more he talked, the lighter he felt. It made him feel... better?

“Your feelings aren’t wrong,” Celine said when he had finished. “What’s wrong is how you’re acting about them. You need to make things right with your friend.”

It was then when Sebastian remembered his long stream of dramatic texts from the previous night. Had they gone through yet? Maybe he could still delete them. He pulled out his phone and groaned. They had.

“What’s wrong?”

“I panicked last night and sent him embarrassing texts. They went through. He hasn’t responded.” Though his phone showed no signal.

“It’s not as big of a deal as you think. Maybe he’s happy to hear from you.” Celine patted his back. “Now, come eat. Breakfast must be cold by now.”

Sebastian followed his mother out the door, and through the hall. They walked past the one spot in the house that had a phone signal. A sudden barrage of pings rang through.

Celine smiled. “That must be your friend.”

Face flushed, Sebastian checked his phone to find many concerned texts from Axel. It made him feel both stupid and guilty. But at least this meant Axel still cared about him. Sebastian texted back.

Sorry. I’m fine. I don’t have phone signal right now but I’ll call you tonight.

Before Sebastian had a chance to walk away, his phone pinged again. A text from Axel that simply said, can’t wait!